clementines

Early morning. A ray of sun, sweet like a clementine, crawls across the floor and into my bed. I watch the dust settle, a kaleidoscope lost in a stain glass window. Billowing white curtains brush against my shoulder taking bits of me with it, lifting higher and higher, above and above. The world may feel dead in winter but not the sun, never that sweet sun.

Life has been a little difficult for me recently. Days seem long, and never ending.  My only comfort are dreams of sweet days to come full of adventure, passion, and new places. And of course I must remind myself to live brightly even when the world is dull. To find beauty in everything and take note of its existence even if it is small. Although it may be difficult, its something we must all do for ourselves- a kind of self preservation. So lets hope for a beautiful New Year. :)

december

December has been cold and best spent curled on the couch.

shopping malls

No travel plans, no shopping malls. No candy canes, or Santa Claus for as the day of rest draws near, it's just the two of us this year. sufjan

sx-70

Found an early Christmas present on my doorstep this afternoon, a Polaroid sx-70. The film may be astronomical on ebay but I'm considering this worth it. I've loved these cameras since I discovered Andre Kertesz's Polaroid book.

early mornings

The sun is always so warm in the morning, even in the dead of winter.

moments

The two of us, together.

Peace Valley

Through the forests of rural Pennsylvania. My film camera (an old 35mm canon that I've had since the age of sixteen) took its last photo here before leaving me for good.

Angel, Won't You Call Me

Here are a few quiet images just right for the chilly weather. The top image is a photo of my grandmother. Every image I have ever seen of her as a young woman has her smiling and looking so lovely- I just adore them. So when I discovered this photo the other day at my aunts house I was instantly smitten. And with the cold weather, nothing is better than curling up with my aunt's fat kitty aptly names Mama Kitty. Yes that is her name, isn't it cute?  She is quite possibly the sweetest cat in existence and likes nothing more than to love anyone who will cuddle up with her. 

I'm going to be honest and admit that I've been a bit bah humbug recently. I love the holiday season, but this year I've just felt muted. This is usually the product of long hours working in retail and missing my adorable boyfriend so much that my heart resembles the surface of the moon. It's cratered and empty with a birds eye view of the earth below and all the wonders of that world just out of the poor moons reach. That's how I feel at least.

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

I haven't had a moment to myself recently and if I did I'm sure I would feel discontent. I've always been the kind of girl who lives life as loud as possible even when its exhausting. Truthfully, I just detest boredom.

How wonderful are the Freelance Whales? I came across them the other day and I must say that I am quite taken by their lovely sound. And the photos above were taken in my boyfriend's bedroom in his hometown. His forest themed wallpaper is just one of the many reasons I love visiting there.

Bluebirds And Barn Swallows

On my last day in the dreary north we ventured into the woods, trekking through the cold, and enjoying the almost bare trails even with the brisk air and light rain. Eventually, we discovered a warm little cabin with wonderful objects and poignant taxidermy. But the best find by far was a one dollar book sale!  They  had a wonderful collection of nature oriented books, including puppy training and bird watching. And because there is no way I am getting a puppy anytime soon (and yes, I'm sad about that), I have now become a bird watching aficionado!

Creature Fear#3

"Lara walked along the tracks following the path worn by pilgrims and then turned into the fields. Here she stopped and, closing her eyes, took a deep breath of the flower-scented air of the broad expanse around her. It was dearer to her than her kin, better than a lover, wiser than a book. For a moment she rediscovered the purpose of her life. She was here on earth to grasp the meaning of its wild enchantment and to call each thing by its right name, or, if this were not within her power, to give birth out of love for life to successors who would do it in her place." 

Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago.

I have developed quite a little obsession with this book by Boris Pasternak. There is a nice little story behind this development but that is for another post. For now, here is a little passage from this wonderful novel and another photograph from my Creature Fear series.

Thank You

Two days in Pennsylvania with Jeff and my friends is just not long enough, and soon I was on a plane back to the sunny south. Spending the weekend in Philadelphia reminded me of my love for the dreary northern weather and the wooded suburbs that Jeff is from. We spent most of our time curled up together to keep out the chill but we did enjoy a night out at the Brandon Flowers Concert and after that a romp with old friends through the bars of Philadelphia. I forget how wonderful the food and drink is in Philadelphia and I'm missing the city and its wonderful inhabitants terribly right now.

Recently, I noticed that I've gained quite a few followers and I just want to say thank you for becoming apart of my life and sharing in it. I feel so blessed to have a connection with so many talented and wonderful people all of over the world and I've learned so much from that experience. I created this space as a way to express my voice, my art, and my longing to overcome my insecurities. There was a time in my life that I felt suffocated by the thoughts and the world I had created within myself, this blog became my journal- my way of expressing all that consumes me. The fellow bloggers I have met have become such an inspiration and source of understanding that I couldn't be more grateful. So I just wanted to say thank you all for being so lovely and amazing! :)

Cedars#2

 More photos from the day I spent on my grandfather's land. I just love this place so much. There are sheep and goats, border collie puppies and old horses, and of course a great expanse of trees and nature. Its beautiful and quite sad at the same time but for very complicated reasons. So this is where I am from- my home.

Cedars

The leaves on the cedar trees by the lake have made their descent, creating a strange contrast considering the autumn heat. I took a slew of photographs exploring the grounds but these are all I have for today.

Recently, I've become frustrated with my lack of subject matter. Using myself as a model just feels vain and superficial, and I promise you that this is not the case. Its best, I guess, if I viewed this issue as a conundrum worth overcoming but its been difficult. I would love to scout models or use friends but I tend to totally separate these two aspects of my life from each other. I'm also just to shy and timid to have the courage to ask someone I found interesting if I could photograph them. So I guess I need to work on overcoming that.  That being said, I do find photographing myself to be somewhat rewording, in just the fact that I have complete control of all expression and emotion I wish to emit out of the image.

My boy sent this to me in a text the other day and it seems to describe perfecting the way i feel today. It just makes me miss him all the more,

"Blue skies pull us into their oblivion. The clouds sit in quiet disposition keeping our feet amongst the ground and giving us something to do."

Creature Fear#2

"Don't let it form us, the creature fear."

Right Behind You

A self portrait. I am a silly sort of girl.

Brandon Flowers - Right Behind You

Its raining today and the humidity is back so I really wish I could just stay in bed today. Recently, I have had many different songs in my head and this is the most recent. It reminds me a lot of my younger sister, but I'm not sure why. 

Anyway, I'm flying to Philadelphia on Sunday to visit with my boy, his family, and a few friends.  I just want this week to fly by!

La Soeur

A chill possessed my home over this past week and for a moment relief has come from the never ending heat. With such wonderfully dreary weather we explored part of the swamps near where my dear friend and I live. I wanted to tread the water but with a murky bottom and a large amount of poisons creatures that inhabit the area, my intuition told me better.

As a young girl, I used to explore this area bare foot and lightly clothed, I remember walking through the thick underbrush and nearly stepping on a baby cottonmouth snake. It was then (ofcourse) that I realized the value in shoes. The strange part about this experience was the length of time I let my bare toes hover above the deadly serpent just watching the thing in wonder- I think I just found death so fascinating. I couldn't have been more than eight and yet the memory is vivid.

Anyway, this is what is in my head.