Arnika

Oh be patient with me; for the night weighs on my chest with a terrible storm, though we may disagree on how things should be done on how crisis is born.

With you I am right. My days are my best, the night is the time I fear the most. My shield does not hold as well when the earth rotates away from the sun. As the sky darkens I am aware of an encroaching anxiety that rips at my interior, finding a niche to infest my psyche. I wish I had an answer- a way to ward off these sleepless nights, nights filled with so many personal demons. As if I am possessed, I allow all my insecurities to eat away from within- a wholesome force so violent I am resorted to fits of tears. I am trying to get over it, I am trying to smile but my anxiety really is the worst. I am only one girl but I fear the destruction inside of me more than death.

Enchanting Ghost

Tell me what you saw in me, and I'll try to replicate it with a scene.

From the Mouth of Gabriel

I'm heading home, a trip through the mountains and into that thick ragged air of the deep south. I am surprisingly mixed in my emotions about this decision. A month or two at home, I honestly cannot say if I will come out of this well. I am just far to aware of my sullen attitude and pessimistic nature. Something that has only worsened as this summer has progressed. I am hung up, out to dry, confused and lost- watching the world from foggy perspectives of the expectations of others.

So yes, I will go south to my safe place and my home. What bothers me the most is that my family is aware, aware that something is not right- aware that I am not myself. I just hope I am strong enough to get through this.

Don’t be so sure of what you feel (it might as well be trouble). From now on just let the universe be your shelter from the enemy.

 
I want for nothing more than to lose myself with you. Afloat in a world without control- in that deep deep blue. A true tranquility- its beautiful.

There Were Maybe Ten Or Twelve

"Once there was a haunted loop of your deep, fallen tears. A forehead resting on a record shelf amid moving boxes stacked. I'm still waiting for the right words, make of that what you will."

Fill me up, fill me up, I want for nothing more. I could be lost in you- if you would let me. I wait at the shore to see what will come on that languid horizon line. The wind as it whispers past my ear is calming to all my fears- you know, the ones that started with you.

The Backseat

A day in New York spent falling in love with art all over again. I adore the museums of that city and with Philadelphia so close it is beyond easy to hop on a bus and get away for the weekend.

MOMA has a wonderful exhibition of photography: Pictures Of Women: A History Of Modern Photography and I was please to find all of my favorite photographers among the collection. With works by Nan Goldin, Carrie Mae Weems, Lee Miller, and Elinor Carucci- the works are thoughtfully placed and  beautiful display the evolution of women photographers. It was a dream!

My summer has by far been filled with work. Days spent at a coffee shop are draining and morose- a summer without travel just doesn't feel like a summer to me. But my boy and I have been thrifty and September is sure to be wonderful and full of many exciting new places. I'm am beyond excited!

I need this time, my fears have been never ending and I am ready to let it go and finally enjoy the pleasant company I'll have. :)