He's got the worst taste in music.

 

My weekend was beautiful, full of amazing moments, and quiet thoughts. Around midnight on Friday night, instead of spending another dull weekend in the city, we piled into a friends car, picked up my boyfriend from work, and drove an hour out of the city to their hometown. Along the way I couldn't help but watch the stars slowly make their way out of the smog, revealing their true nature as we drove down silent back road only stopping so a friend could pee in the bushes, ha. I'm increasingly loving when we get away from the city, with its anxieties and surprising seclusion. I felt released as we relaxed in that long car ride, looking forward to a time of decompression. And so we exiled ourselves from the city, for a day or two, so we could spend time with sweet people in a beautiful and scenic snow scape.
My boyfriend and I ended the night by sneaking into his parents house at three in the morning only to give them quite a surprise when they woke the next morning. The rest of that next day was spent enjoying the outdoors, driving down country roads, and photographing with Evangeline (the film is being developed now!)
We went back to the city that night so we could see Cage The Elephant. A fun show, we caught a ride home with a new friend and spent the rest of the weekend catching up with reality, better known as school and work.

I'm feeling quite refreshed after our romp in the country. Its as if the fresh air invigorated my senses, telling me not to give in on these last few weeks of winter term. I don't know how I'm going to get through these coming weeks but I know I'm not going to stress myself out with worrying about it.

Oh and my roommate's cat had surgery, poor thing! The kitty already has gender identity issues, as we thought he was a boy for three months, hence he/she's name is Carl. Getting spayed has probably only confused it more. He was sitting on my bed, this afternoon, and I just had to take that sad little picture. :(

Pet Grief.

More snow. No work, no school, only myself and my bed, and the whole time I'm wishing I could claw myself out of this small space. I am going to suffocate soon from all this anxiety and tension. Today I was up before sunrise and yet no sleep, nothing.
I need something to change. Should I cut my hair? I hate how plain it is now. I'm trying to grow it out, I've been trying for over a year now. I guess I should just give up. I know that it's not stylish but I'm loving the idea of taking crappy scissors to it at 2 o'clock in the morning and seeing what I can make of it. I just need to let go of a few things that keep hurting me. Maybe if I give up my hair that will help. How cliche' does that sound? I need to be more like Juliette Binoche in The English Patient. She was so lovely in that movie.

I've been listening to The Radio Dept. all day. They just seem to always fit my mood. And so I love this music video. 

I looked on my iTunes, the other day, and realized that I had 32 days of music stored on my little computer. And I'm thinking, when did that happen! I guess that explains why my computer is running so slow. I just can't seem to part with any of my songs, even if they are only going into exile on my hard drive. This is going to be difficult. :(

The Iron Maiden.

Had to write an essay on this video for my Photography and Culture class.

An interesting idea, especially in the context of photography. The video is a little long and old but it clarifies some of the already common ideas of beauty, advertising, our culture, and photography.

The Iron Maiden, in this context does not mean to the band or the medieval torture device, it is the idealized image of the perfect woman. Usually around seventeen, beautiful, thin and tall, she is unrealistic and in fact does not exist. It is unfortunate that this is what we are subjected too. Advertising is meant to produce feelings of insecurity and longing. It implies that if one owned the product being displayed somehow a better version of oneself would be possible. It would be nice to believe that we are above these influences but with more than 3,000 advertising images being projected at us a day it is entirely unrealistic to believe that we are not influenced by these kinds of forced insecurities

Although, I feel she takes some of these ideas and puts them out of their true contexts. It's nevertheless an interesting idea.

I'm so exhausted. With only a few weeks left of winter term I am become neurotic and sleep deprived.  Everyday I am up usually before sunrise and I don't crawl into bed until the early morning hours. The labs, my backpack, and the library are my new home. I'm not even making sense anymore. Exhausted.

sleepy sunshine.

 

Old holga from last summer when Jeff took me on my first trip to the jersey shore. Was cold and dreary in June. Trying to be more active on flickr. Come see me.

The girl with sad eyes.

Iridescent rays of sunshine spill into white curtains. A bird is chirping outside my window. Wrapped in my great-grandmothers afghan, I lay on my bed dreaming of spring time. Opening a window in the middle of February is not usually recommended, but I could no longer tolerate the suffocating atmosphere of my small space. It was much needed, a welcome and chilling calm to my overeager anxiety.

I miss sunshine, color, and nature. I was raised near a forest. I don't mean to sound nostalgic but I often think of those swampy woods behind my house. The fresh rain always brought the water levels up, making the marshland team with creatures and life. I don't understand exactly why, but my memory of it sparkles. My imagination runs away from me... I know I am simply homesick.

And so I opened my window, and let the few rays of sunshine warm and defrost my heart. I am tired of being so afraid of opinion. I want to relax my tension and let myself go. What is the worst that could happen? I no longer care. 

I had my first sighting of geese returning from the south. Could they have brought spring with them? Lets hope so.

I've become so sullen I'm beginning to annoy even myself. It is exhausting letting these fears best me. I really am looking forward to spring. 

Timelapse movie: The Alps -- part II (night) from Michael Rissi on Vimeo.

Michael Rissi

A universe full of lives. Emptiness.

I have this uncanny ability to collapse within myself. I am often surprised how fast it can happen. I could be having an amazing day.  In every way I am content, happy, respected, and appreciated. None of this matters when it happens, however. Today was no exception. My day was pleasant. I had an early start, I got everything done and more; I even met an amazing artist and had an incredible discussion with him. I felt on top of the world. It was only when I was sitting alone in the labs at my university, scanning in the latest film I shot over the weekend for my thesis, that I began to feel discontent. 

It happened so suddenly, I looked up and realized I was completely alone in the lab. The atmosphere was static, I felt like my skin would crawl off, I needed to run, scream, or do something to release all of my tension. The labs have always been hot, the heaters are on even in the summer. This was doing nothing for me. I felt the beginning of a cold sweat break out.

It took all of my strength, courage, and tenacity to pull myself out of my chair and make a mad dash for the elevator. It was only when I was outside, completely free of that restrictive building that I realized I wasn't breathing. My friend was taking a smoke break outside. I'm not usually one to open up so suddenly but I walked over to him and told him what happened. It was only after I told him that I realized how crazy I must sound. 

I have always been afraid to be myself, even around my friends. It was nice to hear that he understood my situation. It felt suddenly releasing that I wasn't alone in this all consuming feeling of fear and trepidation.

I am becoming increasingly annoyed with labels. Especially, when it comes to my career and my art. I am not a photographer, a designer, or an artists. I create. I think that was a part of my fragility this afternoon. Over the last year of my undergraduate schooling I have been forced to really exam what I want to do with my life.  I am no longer that worried about it. I have been given the skills to conceptualize; that is an incredible gift. I must remind myself not to put "me, myself" into a mold, or even an ideal.  My brain is limitless in its copacity. I can see no horizon line. It makes no difference if it is a photograph or anything else. It is so refreshing to see the potential I have.

I don't know if any of this makes since. I just know I feel a clarity I haven't felt in months.

This is more of my thesis work. I'm in love with bears. I am planning on two tattoos. One, the dream catcher (my heading) on my wrist, the other a tiny bear (I once drew) on my foot. They are symbols of my family, my strength, and my fortitude to reach my dreams. :)

Chinese artist Cai Guo-Qiang is an amazing creator and a long time favorite of mine. Not only does he think conceptually, but he is a painter, a print maker, an explosives expert and so much more. I appreciate him because his work is defying labels and attitudes. His discussion on beauty, emptiness, dream and explosion is exquisite and incredibly refreshing. He came to Philadelphia recently and currently has one of his works on display at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. If anyone lives near Philly I would recommend making a visit. :)

I can hear the wind. I miss home.

One year in 120 seconds from Eirik Solheim on Vimeo.

Click

It was just a thought that I liked. :)

The weather here in Philadelphia has become just a little too dreary for my tastes. I am dreaming of that Southern Sunshine. My mother said it's already in the 50's and 60's most days. And with Mardi Gras passing by this week I am in a terribly homesick mood.

 

 

 

I have a constant love/hate realtionship with Mississippi. At one end, its terribly back water. Everyone is small minded and prejudice to almost all of my "liberal" views. But on the other hand, some of the brightest, happiest people I know live there. I could write a novel on my life in Mississippi, I really do have so much to tell. At times I become so frustrated with the place that I want to swear it off completely.

But I guess in the end it will always be home. The place I can truly relax and breath.