tell her, tell her

Please don't lie, don't lie to me
that you're not afraid, my love.
I know you well enough to know
you can't be alone.

I love how comforting it is to have him to depend on. I love that I am finally okay with that feeling. A year ago, and in almost all of my past relationships, I was always the one in control. I never let anyone close to the inner person I protected with such tenacity. It was a constant battle and it became so bad that I would shut out even my closest friends, often times hurting them more than I ever realized. It is painful for me to imagine how frustrated they must have felt with my adherence to close relationships. But I am realizing that they are not to be feared, as I once believed.

I feel like I will always stand on that strange edge, going back in forth within myself. It was a protection mechanism, my fervent need to be alone, and it was my way of coping with these fears of abandonment. Who needs companions when they will only leave you? That was what my inner voice always said to me. I don't listen to that anymore, I've shut it out. Knowing that I am strong enough to share my inner most thoughts to this guy is a breath of fresh air on my anxiety. I truly like the person I am becoming.