I feel like a wet seed wild in the hot blind earth.

(film from home)

Faulkner once said, “To understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi.” I cannot express how true this is. I am still grasping to understand the place I am from. The contradictions are excessive, beautiful, and heartbreaking all at once.

I wish I were home. I would spend the day lying in the grass, watching the incredible clouds shape shift the sky, as the goats and the horses busy themselves nearby, and my grandfather’s sunflowers begin to make whispers just above the soil. He plants them because he misses me. They’re my favorite flower. This has always broken my heart.

I’m in need of warmth and I don’t mean the kind the sun can give. Fragility is something you never speak of, but I am frightfully close to breaking.    

I just really can't say too much right now. Maybe I'll explain later.