À bout de souffle

Breathless.

Breathless, never-mind that it's probably my favorite movie of all time, has a way of creeping under your skin. Jean Seberg, who plays the "hip American" Patricia, is nymph like and nonchalant (not to mention, I adore her pixie hair-cut and skinny jeans). Jean-Paul Belmondo plays Micheal Poiccard and is devilishly innocent, yet convincingly sinister. You love him and hate him at the same time. But by far my favorite part about this film is the dialogue. At times increadibly strange, the oddest part about the language is that it seems so so real and true to actual life. I know it sounds strange, but I know I have had the random conversations Micheal has with everyone he encounters. 

Patricia: "We're hiding like elephants when they're happy"

Patirica: "Do you know William Faulkner?"

            Michael: "No. Who's he? Have you slept with him?"

Patricia: "It's sad to fall asleep. It separates people. Even when you're sleeping together, you're all alone. "

Michael: "It's silly, but I love you. I wanted to see you, to see if I'd want to see you."

Michael: "When we talked, I talked about me, you talked about you, when we should have talked about each other."

Patricia: "What is your greatest ambition in life?
           Michael: "To become immortal... and then die."

I've moved out of the room I shared with my roommate and into the spare room in my apartment. This means for the first time since 11th grade I have a room to myself. I've lived with people for far to long. I'm excited to have my own space, to make it mine, and to let myself open up and relax. This is a rarity for me but it is also a part of my fresh and new approach to appreciating and respecting myself more. I don't know how long I'll be in this place but I'm going to make the most of it. 

This past year has changed me greatly. I'm no stranger to pain or heartache, but this year it has been particularly acute. I've watched people walk away from me and return with their arms open. I've learned to forgive people because they are people and I'm a happier person because of it. My insecurities are ever present and this past year has done little to diminish that, but I am mine and that is all i need remember when I am lonely. 

Optimism and perseverance are the only things I really have and I'm not going to let anyone take that from me.

I'm off to finish decorating my new room! :))

My Grandmother's. Love.