Art Is Hard.

“There are people who, on meeting a successful rival, no matter in what, are at once disposed to turn their backs on everything good in him, and to see only what is bad. There are people, on the other hand, who desire above all to find in that lucky rival the qualities by which he has outstripped them, and seek with a throbbing ache at heart only what is good.”

At times it feels as if there is a watermelon seed growing in my stomach, consuming my hopes and aspirations, a crippling fear of desperation planted by those who are less deserving. To counteract this I cling to anything that has ever explained who I am. Be it my silly southern accent, or that I’m ambidextrous, I long to understand what defines the young woman I am becoming- as if it were a prediction of my future success. I've always had incredible determination, something only a mother could give a daughter, and so at a young age I knew that I would become a photographer and growing up a camera was always in my hand. It was never a question what I would pursue; I am an artist and I always have been.

Lately though, a suffocating anxiety overtakes my senses and as I spiral further into my own personal black hole, I am conscious of my inner-self screaming to stop and hold on to anything, and everything, I know I can accomplish, my dreams.

In the end my accomplishments are what calm my spirits, a reminder of my ability and my perseverance. I have graduated with honors from a prestigious high school, and soon a prestigious college. I have won awards for both my art and my writing, I have worked with incredible artists, and I have handled amazing art.

I mean I have held Rembrandt's etchings and Henri Cartier-Bresson's photographs in my bare hands.

How amazing is that?

I am not one to gloat and I do not want to sound pretentious; I just need to remind myself of my ability. Throughout my life adversity tended to stand in my path, hissing that I would never amount to anything. It has been painful, entirely too painful, but I have persevered and proven these taunts false.  I just don't want to forget how far I have come, and how much further I can go.