Jeff and I took a walk near his grandfather's house early one morning the other day. Tall morning dew grass stuck to sandeled feet and tiny insects crawled over legs. The summer's humidity, out so early that day, clung to skin and hair as we let our imagination find that wanderlust so often sought as a child. Summer is sweet and bitter and juicy and sticky just like a watermelon. In your mouth it dissolves as you try to capture this strange intoxicating taste.
I am adoring summer, being with Jeff, and life. Most of all life. :)
"What name were you given at birth, stupid white man?"
"It is preferable not to travel with a dead man." Henri Michaux
"Every night and every morn, some to misery are born. Every morn and every night, some are born to sweet delight. Some are born to sweet delight; some are born to endless night." William Blake
Dead Man (1995) might just be my new favorite film. With such beautiful imagery and evocative storytelling I have found so much inspiration. Watch the trailer here.
"Momma once told me, you're already home where you feel loved. I am lost in my mind, I got lost in my mind."
I came to the realization today that I haven't picked up my camera in three weeks. At once this is distressing and yet my mental exhaustion makes it completely understandable. I am tired, tired of pushing so hard to move forward in my life. I've done well, that should be enough and yet I'm unable to rest my mind. I've always found it hard to be as open as I would like on this blog- mostly I fear the repercussions of putting myself to far out there in the world. I'm not an outgoing person. If anything I am horribly introverted- I feel speechless all the time and yet within myself I could spiral in and out of so many things, turning any idea and opinion into any different possibility. Thinking about all this I am brought back to the same conclusion: plain and simply, I'm exhausted. This is a horribly selfish subject to address but I can't help but acknowledge that its not uncommon, that there has to be others that feel similar to me and can even understand where I am coming from.
So what do you do when life and your own faults hinder you from succeeding? How is it possible to somehow retain the person you are without losing yourself in the process? The answer may be obvious but it's never right in front of you when you need it.
The Tallest Man On Earth- Where Do My Bluebird Fly
Strange little moments have come to inhabit my camera and it seems a little ghost has come to live in my lens. Together, they create the most luminous of moments.
I have rolls and rolls of film sitting on my desk guilting me for their neglect. My funds are less than lackluster after my travels and I still have much work to do before I can afford to develop the all. In the mean time, when I do find extra cash I rush to develop a roll only to leave myself with a taste for more. Its awfully tempting but I'm training my patience.
We're also in the process of finding a new apartment. As of now I am hunkered down with six boys, my boyfriend, and a female cat named Bella Luna. It's cramped quarters but I'm loving the idea of a sweet little apartment on the outskirts of the city just for my boyfriend and I (it might even be time to get a kitten of my very own)! Wish me luck! :)
"She loved to walk down the street with a book under her arm. It had the same significance for her as an elegant cane for the dandy a century ago. It differentiated her from others." - Kundera
"For a moment she discovered the purpose of her life. She was here on earth to grasp the meaning of its wild enchantment and to call each thing by its right name, or, if this were not within her power, to give birth out of love for life to successors who would do it in her place." - Pasternak
