I Hope There's Love

 "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest." 

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar.

A song, a photo, and a quote. Summer feels like transition. But the breeze is nice, like his hands on my face, smoothing my hair, and kissing my eyes.

A Bit Of Summer

 

Film from early summer, not sure how I feel about some of them.  

The grass is warm and the insects play music for our ears. Summer is in full swing.

Ben Blood/ Wild West Wedding.

I'm not one to sit around and plan my dream wedding years before it actually happens, that is to say if it happens at all, but it would be a lie if I said that the thought has never crossed my mind. That's why I just have to admit that I am in love with the Photographer Ben Blood, his work is magical and the people and places he photographs are beautiful and breathtaking.
When I first saw the photos of Emily and Colby's wedding I just new I would want my own to have a similar feel. I love the colors, the atmosphere, the relaxed smiles on everyones faces, and the setting. I'm not one to favor fancy and large scale weddings, just give me something small, quaint, and full of my loved ones and I would be happy. I hate that I'm thinking of this but it totally suits me and my boy. I guess a girl can dream. :)

Board games at the reception is such a fun idea! 

All photos belong to Ben Blood. Take a look at more of Emily and Colby's Wedding HERE.

New Bike, New Love!

Here she is, I'm so proud! Introducing my beautiful bright green vintage Kent 10 speed! A tiny road bike perfect for a tiny me. At 5' I was beginning to think I would never find a bike to fit my little frame. So it was a bit of an adventure to get her but after traversing most of North Philly, and a few missed connections, she is finally in my hands and I'm happy to say that I've already ridden her over half the city.

All I have is a silly phone pic but when I have a day off work to enjoy a ride in the park I'll be sure to take my camera, and my boy, along to document my loves!

 

Beautiful. A calming song, just what I need. I feel that urge to travel and see the world. Maybe a road trip or a one way ticket to some place far away. The possibilities...

My boy is helping me build a new bike, my old one isn't going to last the summer so I am in need of a new one. 

I'm sad to see the old one go but I'm looking forward to the freedom of a new bike!

Its a graduation present and serves as a wonderful distraction. So here's a little inspiration.

 Images from weheartit, apartment therapy, yatzer, and hello sandwich

The Little Lion Man.

"But it was not your fault but mine and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time- didn't I, my dear?"

After last nights desperation, sitting on my bed watching the sun rise along the Victorian roofs of Philadelphia, I feel little solace. Now more than ever I am aware of myself and the destructive nature I posses. The  problem exerts itself that I am too aware of human emotion and I understand all to well how much I can hurt others. This is crucial to understanding my psyche, i realize that now. I have hurt him and in doing so I have hurt my own heart. But that is the only way of protecting myself, if i break my own heart how can anyone else do the same? If I destroy myself, the guilt is left to me and no one else. How strange that this is how I protect the people I love; I push them away and blame myself. I've done this my whole life and yet I still don't understand my incessant need to self mutilate- or maybe I'm only fooling myself too.

 

Mississippi Water.

"I felt very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo."

My world has become a strange limbo, at times I feel so out of touch I fear I will not fully wake to reality. Life has come to a strange place and I have yet to fully grasp what I am to do next. The possibilities are endless, I feel like losing touch, letting go of all connections and breaking free. I won't though, I don't have the strength. I need to be honest with myself and I need to understand this strange situation. To be so broken- so hurt, I wonder if anyone else can really understand me- who I am and the possibilities that lay ahead. I wonder if I want anyone too. 

These are old photo of southern Louisiana and Mississippi. In another few months this may be gone forever. My world is withering away, a destruction both physical and emotional. I cannot express to you what it feels like to watch the place of your childhood falter and decay. How can so much distruction befall a place so beautiful. The beauty, all that beauty- destroyed.

This does nothing for my mood, the oil might as well be seeping into my heart. 

Memphis slim, an amazing artist and someone I grew up on. The blues are so much a part of my home and who I am today. I wish I could find a recording of Mississippi Water, but Mother Earth will have to do.